A Day In The Life

This is a day in the life of a dog rescuer: the emotional process, the actual rescuing and the undeniable reality of it all. The point of this article is to give a vulnerable insight into what I go through on a daily basis and I’m sure that some of you will relate – it may even help.

On this day we rescued two dogs that had been left in a crate in the middle of the desert near Ridgecrest. A group of hikers found the dogs (there were three, one deceased from hypothermia) in a semi-large crate that they had been stuffed into and left for dead. This is an unconventional article but I hope some of you will benefit from it!

Today was surreal. Morning was typical: woke up at 7 a.m. to the sound of Gracie (a terrier with a broken leg recently repaired with a rod and pin) crying to be let out. Fed Maggie and Baloo, and then moved on to preparing Hooch’s gruel, of which I give a portion to Gracie.

Hooch is a challenge to feed as he is an abuse case who had his tongue cut out. Slightly lubricated (with wet food) dry food goes down best for Hooch, all but eliminating the need for a tongue (which he doesn’t have). Gracie, like Bad Chad, loves to mop up Hooch’s shrapnel; its as if his slobber is a delicacy.

Before I can get a drop of coffee in me, much less say a prayer about how grateful I am to be sucking down air, the house phone begins to ring at which point I look at my cell phone which already has 17 texts. I’m afraid to open my email... Every one of these calls come from a person that needs help, sometimes I can help them immensely, but too often, and more often than not, I am the bearer of bad news, or at least unfortunate realities.

There is nobody to pass the buck to and I am incapable of filling them with false hope or illusions. The simple fact is that these folks have found a dog, are missing a dog or want to get rid of a dog, and I’m unable to ease their troubles. Often times I lose my patience, sometimes quicker then I should. It may come off that I’m mad or frustrated with them but I’m not; I’m disappointed in my own limitations and often feel that I owe them more, but I cannot deliver.

I am constantly teetering on a threshold between helplessness and anger camouflaged as simple frustration. I am helpless to do what I wish I could for these people and their dogs and get down on myself for not having the grace that I feel I should. Unacceptably often, my empathy is depleted after the fourth call and I find it difficult to hide my anxiety and unease. I have a “routine” that I can regurgitate that is helpful, but it’s not what they want or need to hear and the energy and effort required to follow up on what is asked in my “routine” is often too much to handle and I know that as soon as we hang up, things will go south for that dog....

I must be careful to keep that chaos inside; to keep my frustrations within the spectrum of “normal” because if I don’t the domino effect occurs and my negativity touches everyone I come in contact with – that is unacceptable. This is easier said than done and I fear that too many of you may have seen the worst of me, and if you are so unfortunate to be counted among that group, please understand that I am projecting like an old school big screen television, and that my angst has nothing to do with you.

Yesterday, for instance, was too much and I crumbled. The result had my Mom in tears and me regretting just about everything that came out of my mouth before I actually said it. This is bad... Mom’s response when I apologized, “better me get your wrath, then some poor, unsuspecting Joe”. Is my Mom great or what? If and when I succumb to those emotions I am of zero help to anyone or anything, it’s important for me to remember that.

Thankfully, there are wonderful, energizing people in this World and I feed off of the positive energy they freely and openly dispense. There are those of you that I count on for a boost, but there are infinite others that surprise me. They poke there heads out through the fog of a shitty day and expose a much needed smile that sometimes makes all of the difference.

It’s wonderful. Even more wonderful is the idea that anyone of us can offer that to the other, so long as we are willing to put aside whatever chaos and strife we are consumed with and get out of ourselves.

Today, Julie Johnson at the Bakersfield shelter was that person; so was Billy Simkins, who listened while I listened back; and Daryn and Liz and the girls at Lake Isabella Animal Shelter; then of course there was Katie and crew at SJVH; and right now I am IM-ing with a woman who lost her husband to Liver Disease (my disease) who wanted to let me know that she is proud of me and that I help give her hope!

That is so surreal... He was not much older than me and when he died I was just getting better. Her strength and faith jumps off of the computer screen and directly into my heart. How is it that we can feel so alone and helpless sometimes? I am surrounded by love and give love unconditionally but I have a hard time giving it to myself! How can that be?! With all that I have just acknowledged as true and real, how can I still struggle to love myself?

I know I’m not alone in this flawed egoism and I also know that writing this will help. This is written proof that my ego – my troubled self-perception – is full of crap! I can write this out and know that it is true and that helps!

I’m going to try something different tonight. I’m going to believe what you say; internalize your compliments; accept your love and be proud of myself!

We had a helluva day and we/I should feel proud! Shadow and Clancy, the two dogs abandoned in the desert are safe and sound and I/WE accomplished that! These dogs were as scared as I’ve ever seen two dogs, and when Billy and I showed up, they would not move, in fact, Shadow had attacked Clancy and they looked as though they could move to strike. But I have seen this fear, I know this fear like a child knows his favorite toy. This empathy, and my extensive experience with fearful (and injured) dogs helped me to be exactly what they needed today.

They needed a leader – an assertive, take charge pack leader that would show them the way so that they could turn their brains off and just be dogs. Both dogs fought tooth and nail to hold on to their fear, but in the end it gave way to trust–not complete trust, but a faith that was just enough for us to begin to become pals!

Each of these dogs are 70+ pounds and did not want to be moved: they were in pain and experiencing a torturous anxiety that had a death grip on them. No amount of treats or soft talking would have brought them out of this all-encompassing fear mode.

What did, you ask? We took a walk and I led; with purpose I led, and each of them followed. I would not take no for an answer and when they realized that my resolve was stronger than their anxiety, they let go. They let go and saw that I was there to love them and to lead them but not to hurt them.

Bellies that had been glued to the floor gave way to semi-confident chests that seemed to announce their rebirth, Tails began to wag and facial muscles started to relax. We reintroduced them to each other, with no problems and all was good! I picked Shadow up and placed her in the back of the Motor City Buick GMC Mutt Mobile while Clancy took the liberty of delivering himself into the back.

The dogs that we drove away from that Shelter with were not the dogs that we had met just an hour prior – they were reborn. I think that we are all capable of metamorphosis, just like Shadow and Clancy. I know that I have been reborn, that I am not who I was five years ago when I got sick, and that I will continue to change for the better so long as I accept your love.

Tonight, I choose to accept love; how can I not?!