The 7 deadly sins of online dating

Sins? Yes – and they can be deadly – especially to a blooming relationship.

There’s a site devoted solely to the seven transgressions but let me give you the “Reader’s Digest” version, although there’s probably more than seven.

Let’s start with GREED: Now the site I’m primarily on asks about income. The woman who checks off over $100,000 is automatically eliminated in my book. Heck, once she sees that I’m living off social security, she has already clicked over to the next guy anyway. Her screen name is probably “already_spent_his”.

ENVY: Once a woman asks you how many women have you been in contact with, you’re dead – her number of men may be smaller and she thinks you’re either lying or – well, it doesn’t matter what else. Your number is bigger than hers and she is envious, period.

Oh, and GLUTTONY comes into play: How many women can interest you at the same time? Two, ten or more? You must realize that you’re going to mix up their details unless you keep a scorecard of sorts. And once you call Diane by the wrong name, she’s off your hit list, junior, because Donna doesn’t like being called ‘Diane’ and not only that, but she’s the one who hates fish while the real Diane loves sushi!

Now for LUST. This is gluttony with the sexual twist. You already advanced to the suggestion of neck kissing through emails on the site but forgot with whom. Bad. Was it the short-haired blonde who wanted to nuzzle or the brunette you offered to attend church with. Chances are, as Johnny Mathis would sing back in the 60s, you’re had. BTW, my friend Suzy called him ‘Johnny Mattress’ because listening to his charming songs always made her want to go to bed with her boyfriend. Encouragement, I guess.

But I digress.

As for PRIDE and WRATH, they balance each other. While arrogant behavior might seem reasonable at the time, don’t let the anger of the moment take over. Keep an attitude you can be positive with in the long run.

On to SLOTH. While you can wallow in self pity, there is no pity party for you here. Either you celebrate life and go on with your search for the love of your life or quit. I chose the former. Yes, it’s been years, but I still chose the search even with the sins. And let me add one. Or two.

IMPATIENCE cannot be tolerated and while all good things will come to you in time, there is still that waiting period that is worth the wait. Yes, Bob ‘The Wine Guy’ will tell you that his ’12 is drinkable NOW, but wait another two years and it will be even better. Right, Bob?

While fallen into obscurity, UNCTURE is my second nominee for addition to the sins list. Now that will send you to your Funk & Wagnall but it’s simply ambivalent anointment – in today’s lingo, labeling.

Once you realize the good things about online dating – the variety, the honesty (like those who expressly state they want a relationship and not just a ‘pen pal’) and the possibility of a suitable long-term companion, you will be sold as I am. No, I’m not there (as in finding someone) just yet, but I’m working toward it. And you?

Guiseppe V. can be reach at “[email protected]”