Pun times!

Some years ago I was friends and bandmates with a brother and sister team who were great punsters. No one could talk with either one of them without experiencing – sometimes several times per conversation – what might be considered "audio double-takes."

I was impressed at the time with how the two could make their minds and mouths work so fast, and while I can't remember the specifics of their witty word plays, I do remember how often I laughed and how I enjoyed conversing with them. And how I learned to love puns with them.

Sadly, I've lost touch with them over the years, but I still have a great appreciation for the skills of punny people and, happily, I've discovered there are quite a few other clever people out there who are more than adept at the art of punning. Plus, in this day and age, there is always the internet; several friends regularly send me fun puns – some combined with a few ponderable-type thoughts every now and then, just for good measure – so I'm sharing some of them with you today because, as everyone knows, a good pun is its own reword.

-Newsflash – the Energizer Bunny was finally arrested...and charged with battery!

-A man's home is his castle...in a manor of speaking.

-A pessimist's blood type is always B-Negative.

-My wife really likes to make pottery, but as far as I'm concerned, it's just kiln time.

-Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

-You can practice safe eating by always using condiments.

-I fired my masseuse today – she just rubbed me the wrong way.

-A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

-A shotgun wedding is a really serious case of wife or death.

-I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

-If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

-I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it...so they gave me the axe.

-A man sometimes needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

-Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

-A bad hangover is the wrath of grapes.

-Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

-Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

-Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really just another form of floor play.

-Banning the bra in the Sixties was a big flop.

-Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

-Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

-A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

-Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

-A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

-Without geometry, life is truly pointless.

-When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

-Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

-Two egoists talking is an I for an I.

P.S. – If you've heard any good puns lately, send them to me and I'll share them with everyone in a future column.

© 2019 Marilda Mel White. Mel, local writer/photographer and co-owner of the Treasure Trove, has been looking on the bright side for various publications since 1996. She welcomes your comments, punny or not, at [email protected].