Puns and giggles

These are trying times in which we find ourselves, and aside from bad news and the occasional moments of dread and terror, I'm heartened by the happy things I find online, and the happy and funny things that are being sent to me. It's good to laugh whenever possible in these dark days.

So I've compiled a bunch of puns – one of my favorite forms of humor – to pass on some grins and giggles for you today. My favorites:

My friend's answering machine says "Leave a brief message" so I said "fruit of the loom, jockey, hanes..."

You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely.

Don't iron your four leaf clovers – you don't want to press your luck.

I was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions.

I just saw some red-breasted birds outside enjoying the sun and selling ice cream. I think they were basking robbins.

Why is the writer always cold? Because she is surrounded by drafts.

A note left for a pianist from his wife: Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet."

I just got a part in a new movie about cocaine. It's just a small part though... I only have one line.

People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da Brie is everywhere!

6:30 is the best time on the clock, hands down.

If you slap Dwayne Johnson on the rear, you are hitting rock bottom.

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Whatever happened to the guy who sued over his missing luggage? He lost his case.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

I dropped a copy of Oliver Twist on my big toe. It hurt like the dickens.

I went to a Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting...but all the chairs were taken.

Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says "The Titanic is syncing."

Most people know where the Big Apple is, but few know where the Minneapolis.

When the past, present and future go camping, they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.

I think dry erase boards are so remarkable.

When I was little my mom used to feed me alphabet soup. She said I loved it but I didn't; she was just putting words in my mouth.

Keep smiling dear readers, and if we all do it, we can all get through it.

© Marilda Mel White. Mel White, local writer/photographer and co-owner of Tehachapi Treasure Trove, has been looking on the bright side for various publications since 1996.

She welcomes your comments at [email protected].