More punny stuff

I'm not very good at making up puns, but I love to hear or read them. Here are some more fun puns I've come across in the last few months:

The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a tune but the chick peas can only hummus one.

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

The man that invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I miss her still.

You really gotta hand it to short people ... mainly because they can't reach it.

What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

I have a friend who writes music about sewing machines. He's a singer songwriter. Or sew it seems.

Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

If a drummer comes out of retirements, will there be repercussions?

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone a round.

Fella knocked on the door and asked would I sign the Organ Donors register, and I thought there's a man after my own heart.

Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

Professional chef tip: You should serve your eggs benedict on a chrome platter because there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

I dreamed I was a muffler last night. Woke up exhausted.

I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

There's a big paddle sale at the boat store. It's quite an oar deal!

When I told my contractor I didn't want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stair.

I put my grandma on speed dial. I call that Instagram.

Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

The Energizer bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.

I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, "Aisle B, back."

Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a No Bell Prize.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.

Last night my wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl. I said I didn't know he could.

I was kidnapped by mimes. They did unspeakable things.

Some people take naturally to singing in groups. I think it's more of an achoired taste.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians can be denoted, cowboys can be deranged, models can be deposed, tree surgeons can be debarked, and dry cleaners can be depressed?

And lastly, here's a shout out to people who don't know what the opposite of in is!

Have a happy pun-filled day.

© 2022 Mel White/Mel Makaw. Mel White, Tehachapi writer and photographer, has been looking on the bright side for various publications since 1996. She welcomes your comments at [email protected].