More punny offerings

I love a good pun – don't we all? I'm not very good at coming up with them myself, but I sure do love to collect them. Here, then, are some more punny offerings from my collection for your enjoyment:

I once got lost at night in the Great Lakes region. It gave me an Erie feeling.

I just saw some red breasted birds sitting in the sun and selling ice cream – I think they were Baskin Robbins.

I attend as many electric expos as possible – I just love current events!

Sam and Ella must have thrown the worst dinner party ever to get an entire strain of poison named after them.

You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.

My friend blocked me on Facebook because I posted too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game.

I was in a band called the Hinges. We opened for the Doors.

I just found out that the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer.

The inventor of suspenders has just been awarded the nao-belt prize.

I keep having issues with downloading the "Titanic" soundtrack – it won't stop syncing.

Church goers couldn't figure out why the reverend was so mean when he preached and so meek the rest of the time. He explained that the meanness was just his alter ego.

I'm writing a pun about the wind, but right now it's just a draft.

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She asked, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said, "It means it's pasture bedtime."

If you're bad at haggling, you'll end up paying the price.

I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books. I should probably get that checked out.

A guy tried to sell me a coffin. I told him that's the last thing I need.

Yesterday I ate a clock. It was very time consuming. Especially after I went back for seconds.

Just so everyone is clear, I'm putting my glasses on.

I've always been proud of my Eastern European heritage. That was until I found out that my great-great grandfather was from Transylvania. Now I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

I'm a tailor. I'm very good at my job – it's my strong suit.

I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

Our neighbor just had quadruplets ... four crying out loud!

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.

I lost my girlfriend's audio book and now I'll never hear the end of it.

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a hug lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

© 2023 Mel Makaw. Mel, local writer/photographer and author of On the Bright Side, a Collection of Columns (available locally at Tehachapi Arts Center and Healthy Hippie Trading Co), welcomes your comments at [email protected].