More pun stuff

Every time I offer up a column of fun puns I get a lot of positive feedback... and a lot more puns coming my way.

Looks like there are a lot of pun lovers out there (including me), so here, then, are some more punny offerings from my collection for your enjoyment:

There was a big saddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

England has no kidney bank... but it does have a Liverpool.

I tripped and hit my head on a snare drum, and now I think I have a percussion.

As a Superhero, I would be "Typo Man, Writer of Wrongs."

I bought a book today – "On the River Kwai." It's the unabridged version.

The baby ant was confused because all of his uncles were ants.

Had a dream I was a muffler; woke up exhausted...

I tried to take a picture of a wheat field; it came out grainy.

Everyone told Sam not to sing. Samsung anyway.

I was walking down the street this morning and I was hit by a violin, then a clarinet, then a French horn. I think it was an orchestrated attack.

If you under cook the steaks you can sometimes hear them mooing, but it's very rare.

Dang! My reality check bounced!

I accidently put my wallet in the freezer last night. It turned out to be a good thing, though, because I really needed some cold, hard cash.

I went to this horrible bar called the Fiddle. It really was a vile inn.

Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.

I own two shirts and some neck ware that used to belong to a guy who was in the Mamas and Papas. All the sleeves are brown, and the tie is gray.

What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife? Nothing. He was gladiator.

I wrote a book on how not to fall down the stairs. It was a step-by-step guide.

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

Never did find out what the Knights in White sat in...

I shouted angrily at a couple sparrows sitting on my garden fence. They both fell off and died. I did not know you could kill two birds with one's tone.

I've always wanted to play with a kangaroo. I think I'd get a kick out of it.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

A will is a dead giveaway.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

Shout out to those who don't know what the opposite of in is!

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it, but nobody saw it.

FYI, it's no longer proper to use the term "boxed wine." It is cardboardeaux.

© 2023 Mel Makaw. Mel, local writer/photographer and author of On the Bright Side, a Collection of Columns (available locally at Tehachapi Arts Center and Healthy Hippie Trading Co.), welcomes your comments at [email protected].