More great puns

Mel Makaw.

A pun is defined as "a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings." I'm not very good at coming up with original puns myself, but I sure do appreciate reading and hearing them.

I think there's nothing like a good play on words to brighten up your day, and based on the feedback I get from readers – not to mention the numerous puns I receive from friends and strangers alike – many of you like them as much as I do.

So, since it's too hot to do much else these days, I've assembled some more of my favorite puns and am sharing them with you here today:

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

I really wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

The boy who sat next to me in school ate a calculator one day. All the kids thought he was strange, but I told them it's what's inside that counts.

What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue.

I was going to start a taxi service for seniors and call it Oldsmobile.

Earlier today I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary. I learned next to nothing.

I just finished reading a book called "Fear of Sunlight" by Gladys Knight.

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles and now I'm experiencing constant vowel movements. The next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

I went fishing and used peas for bait – it was my first podcast.

I was going to cook alligator for dinner but realized I only have a croc pot.

My wife told me to stop making camera puns. I told her to stop focusing on the negatives and develop a sense of humor. She left me in a flash.

I saw an ad for a coffin; I thought, That's the last thing I need!

I tripped over a box of Kleenex this morning and I thought I had broken my ankle. Turns out it was just soft tissue damage.

I once swallowed a bunch of synonyms. It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had.

Someone ripped out the fifth month of my calendar. I'm dismayed.

I don't know where my other shoe is...I guess I have some soul searching to do.

Pre- means before, and post- means after. To use them both at the same time would be preposterous.

If I ordered a hatchet from overseas to be shipped to me, I'd have a foreign axe sent.

I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, and vegetable... One day I hope to become a bouillonaire.

The bowling alley was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. (That kind of pun is right up my alley!)

I got a new book today titled "A Guide to Surgical Procedures." I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

Egg salad is still chicken salad if you think about it.

I suppose I could have met the Invisible Man... but how would I know?

Accordion to scientific studies, 90 per cent of people do not realize I replaced the beginning of this sentence with an instrument. They have my symphony.

An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German were all attending a Zoom meeting with their supervisor, who asked, "Can everyone see me okay?" To which they answered... "Yes!" "Oui," "Si," "Ja!"

Keep enjoying... and keep sending me those puns... and even though you may be groaning too, keep smiling!

© 2024 Mel Makaw. Mel, local writer/photographer and author of On the Bright Side, a Collection of Columns (available locally at Tehachapi Arts Center and Healthy Hippie Trading Co.), welcomes your comments at [email protected]/.