AND instead of OR

Mel Makaw.

I first wrote about the theme of a You-OR-Me world verses a You-AND-Me world almost 20 years ago. But things have changed in recent years and not for the better. I think the theme is worth another go 'round today.

Over the last few years, I've seen a You-OR-Me attitude grow within our country, an "US v THEM" attitude that divides us like never before, sometimes verbally, sometimes violently. Some people seem to be outright embracing and glorifying the ugly side of language and attitude and actions toward other people, especially people who seem somehow different, that also manifests in difficult engagements between neighbors and sometimes even friends and family.

There seems to be a sort of self-imposed competition that is getting bolder these days (something that has always been here but that used to be recognized as an undesirable trait), with some people thinking that the only way they can get anywhere is to beat or best someone they don't like or understand, to make fun of someone vulnerable, to be in charge of someone else's needs and desires, to feel good by making someone else feel bad, to feel validated by making everyone else conform to their ideas and beliefs ... instead of the more desirable You-AND-Me attitude, where people work together and respect each other's right to be and believe and live the way they choose, and compromise and try to lift each other up. It can get a bit disheartening, and these days the OR attitude seems so much more prevalent than it was in the past.

Sometimes it seems hopeless, but then, I've never been a hopeless–feeling kind of gal for very long. Whenever I start to worry about how impossible a working and successful get-along world may be, I start to remember and pay attention to how many people are practicing the You-AND-Me attitude even today when that attitude alone is sometimes disparaged by the OR people. And it is through the growing number of the AND people (I think of them as the silent majority these days) that I find a renewed hope.

On the bright side, I smile whenever I read or hear about people performing random acts of kindness for their friends and relatives and strangers alike (i.e. when I read or hear about someone finding a wallet in a parking lot and turning it in, complete with all the money and cards it originally held), whenever someone offers a helping hand or a listening ear – all those little things that contribute to a You-AND-Me world every day.

And on an even brighter note, there seems to be more and more people who are thinking about others, thinking beyond their own wants and needs and even speaking up and fighting for the rights of others – actually acting in terms of You-AND-Me instead of You-OR-Me. Thinking and acting in terms of sharing and supporting and learning and lifting instead of disparaging and denigrating and pointing out differences as if one were better than the other. The silent majority may be getting louder, hallelujah.

It's easy to find examples of the sad and mean and destructive You-OR-Me thinking – they are all around us all the time, in the news and in our social media feeds and in our everyday conversations and experiences. But if we start looking for them, we can also see that the You-AND-Me people are there, as well, and as usual, when you start looking for the good stuff you almost always find more than you thought you would.

So the worst division I see today is between the AND people and the OR people, but I don't think it has to be that way. I like being a You-AND-Me kind of human. I recognize that we are all in this together, and I believe it doesn't have to be an either-or situation. The simple answer is, of course, to mind your own business, live and let live. Not always easy, but always vital.

If you haven't already, won't you join me? We can all make ours a much better and stronger – and yes, freer – world by simply thinking AND instead of OR.

© 2024 Mel Makaw. Mel, local writer/photographer and author of On the Bright Side, a Collection of Columns (available locally at Tehachapi Arts Center and Healthy Hippie Trading Co.), welcomes your comments at [email protected]/.