More fun puns

Mel Makaw.

A pun can be a noun or a verb, defined basically as a joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings. For example, "his first puzzle punned on composers, with answers like 'Handel with care' and 'Haydn go seek.'" Or, as in punning someone, or having punned a friend.

A pun is also defined as a double entendre, a play on words, a witty quip. Mostly what I think is that puns are just great fun (I love the play on words that the English language allows). I wish I could come up with good ones every now and then, but alas, that talent escapes me. I do have a great appreciation for puns however, and I have a huge stash of puns created by other people that I've collected through the years (if you have a favorite pun, send it to me and I'll add it to my collection and share it in the future).

Here are some more of my favorites:

My neighbor couldn't afford his water bill, so I got him a get well card.

Lance is a pretty uncommon name these days, but in medieval times people were named Lance a lot.

Please don't rub avocado on your eyes, you could get guacoma.

Bread is like the sun: it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

Apparently, you cannot use beef stew as a password – it's not stroganoff.

I got a text from my former girlfriend telling me that she had no food. So, I made her a food parcel and got a service to deliver it to her. FED EX.

Spiders and snakes are a vital part of the eek-osystem.

Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.

Today I learned that if you tip a canoe over, you can wear it as a hat. Because then it is cap-sized.

I was just hospitalized from an accident while playing hide and seek. They put me in ICU.

Last night I dreamed I was a vinyl record; I woke up feeling groovy.

I've been going through therapy to overcome my hiking addiction. It's getting better but I'm not out of the woods yet.

Combine the DNA of a possum, a billy goat, and a manatee... would that be a possibility?

I've started reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is about to happen... I can feel it.

You should respect people who wear glasses – they paid money to see you.

I noticed my wife and kids were all wearing vests, so I put one on just so I could say "vest day ever!" like a million times. Then I took my vest off just so I could mention that I wasn't as invested as they were.

My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of "in" is.

I swallowed a bunch of synonyms yesterday and ended up with thesaurus throat I ever had.

The guy who invented the Ferris wheel never met the guy who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike... so I took his bike away. Then he just sat there in the yard and barked all day. So, I gave him his bike back because his bark was worse than his bike.

I bought a dictionary the other day and the first 100 pages had been ripped out. So, no aardvark, axe or backgammon. I flipped to the last 100 pages and noticed they had also been ripped out. So, no wretched, xylophone or zebra. It went from bad to worse.

Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

© 2025 Mel Makaw. Mel, local writer/photographer and author of On the Bright Side, a Collection of Columns (available locally at Tehachapi Arts Center), has been looking on the bright side for various publications since 1996. She welcomes your comments at [email protected].